Today I will talk about Love Languages. Perhaps you have heard this term before? It was based from the New York Times bestseller book of Dr. Gary Chapman. A Language is a way of communication. Communication is important in relationships. Without communication, a relationship cannot exist. So, what kind of communication do you use when you love someone? When I say love, I don’t mean just romantic love, between a husband or wife, or girlfriend and boyfriend. It can be any kind of love. Between brothers and sisters, mothers and children, etc.
Psychologists have determined there are 5 general love languages. What are they? I will tell you!
Words of Affirmation
Mark Twain once said “I can live for two months on a good compliment.” Verbal appreciation speaks powerfully to persons whose primary Love Language is “Words of Affirmation.”
Simple statements, such as, “You look great in that suit,” or “You must be the best cook in the world! I love this dinner,” are sometimes all a person needs to hear to feel loved.
Aside from verbal compliments, another way to communicate through “Words of Affirmation” is to offer encouragement.
Here are some examples: reinforcing a difficult decision; calling attention to progress made on a current project “You are doing a lot of hard work on this project. Keep up your good work!”
Acknowledging a person’s unique perspective on an important topic. “It is interesting to hear your point of view, I enjoy talking with you”
If a loved one listens for “Words of Affirmation,” offering encouragement will help him or her to overcome insecurities and develop greater confidence. It will help them feel loved.
Quality time is more than just being in the same room.
Its about focusing all your energy on a person. A husband watching TV while talking to his wife is NOT quality time. Unless all of your attention is focused on the person, even an intimate dinner for two can come and go without a minute of quality time being shared.
Quality conversation is very important in a healthy relationship. It involves sharing experiences, thoughts, feelings and desires in a friendly, uninterrupted context.
A good friend or mate will not only listen, but offer advice and respond to assure their friend or partner they are truly listening. People don’t expect you to solve their problems. They need a sympathetic listener.
Quality activities are a very important part of quality time. Many people feel most loved when they spend physical time together, doing activities that they love to do. This can be playing a sport together, walking, talking, discussing a subject, etc. The list is endless.
Some people respond well to visual symbols of love. If you speak this love language, you are more likely to treasure any gift as an expression of love and devotion. People who speak this love language often feel that a lack of gifts represents a lack of love from their mate. Luckily, this love language is one of the easiest to learn.
If you want to become an effective gift giver, many mates will have to learn to change their attitude about money. If you are naturally a spender, you will have no trouble buying gifts for your mate. However, a person who is used to investing and saving their money may have a tough time adjusting to the concept of spending money as an expression of love. These people must understand that you are investing the money not in gifts, but in deepening your relationship with your mate.
The gift of self is an important symbol of love. Sometimes all your friend or mate desires is for someone to be there for them, going through the same trials and experiencing the same things.
These gifts need not to come every day, or even every week. They don’t even need to cost a lot of money. Free, frequent, expensive, or rare, if your mate relates to the language of receiving gifts, any visible sign of your love will leave them feeling happy and secure in your relationship.
Acts of Service
Sometimes simple chores around the house can be an undeniable expression of love. Even simple things like laundry and taking out the trash require some form of planning, time, effort, and energy. Just as Jesus demonstrated when he washed the feet of his disciples, doing humble chores can be a very powerful expression of love and devotion to your friend, family member or mate.
It is important to do these acts of service out of love and not obligation. A person who does chores and helps out around the house out of guilt or fear will inevitably not be speaking a language of love, but a language of resentment. It’s important to perform these acts out of the kindness of your heart.
Demonstrating the acts of service can mean stepping out of the stereotypes. Acts of service require people to humble themselves into doing some chores. However, these little sacrifices will mean the world to them, and will ensure a happy relationship.
For example, if a friend or parent takes care of you when you’re sick, or picks up some books from the library if you can’t make it in time, won’t you feel loved?
Many people feel the most loved when they receive physical contact from their partner. From parents or friends, a hug can mean a lot. For a mate who speaks this love language loudly, physical touch can make or break the relationship.
All relationships will experience problems from time to time. In these cases, physical touch is very important. In a crisis situation, a hug can communicate an immense amount of love for that person. A person whose primary love language is physical touch would much rather have you hold them and be silent than offer any advice. Or, you could give them a hug.
It is important to remember that this love language is different for everyone. What type of touch makes you feel secure is not necessarily what will make your partner happy. It is important to learn each other’s dialects. That way you can make the most of love language.
Review: 5 Languages. Which language is yours?
Words of affirmation: I like hearing kind words, compliments, and nice things from others.
Quality Time: I like hanging out or spending good time with my loved ones, husband or wife, or family
Receiving Gifts: I feel most loved when I see a visual symbol of love, such as a present or gift.
Acts of Service: I feel loved when someone does something for me (an errand, a chore, or a favor)
Physical Touch: I feel loved when someone gives me a hug or shows me another physical example of affection.
So which is your language? Maybe you think “I like everything!” True, most of us appreciate all love languages in a relationship. However, usually there is one or two languages that are more significant to us, than the others. Which is yours??